My 40k Short story

I posted this a while ago on the Relic Forums.

Anyway, here it is. Tell me what you think.

WARNING: It's very short.

http://forums.relicnews.com/showthread.php?t=162035

I'm also writing another, longer story about an Emperor's Child Chaos Marine, set back in the day, just after the Horus Heresy, before even our venerable order was founded.

Before you execute me and fire my ashes into the heart of a star, please read it.

Here is a 'Teaser' Section:

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....Though it made him terrifying to behold, enough fear was generated by Nauzagedyn’s unmodified presence alone. Some of his enemies put the alterations down to corruption, as if one word could explain away his strangeness, and dismiss, through puritanical rhetoric, the utterly alien ideas that drove him.

For Nauzagedyn had changed.

Though vaguely recognisable as a man, his post-human frame was wracked by mutilation; his face destroyed, his skin sliced and scarred in a thousand places, his every bone shattered and reset, fingers double-jointed from years of hyper-articulation.

Nauzagedyn was Imperfect.

All those years of striving towards physical and martial purity. The two and a half centuries of ignorant joy, lost in a moment of spitefulness and pride. A tinny part of his jaded mind screamed through the fog of disorienting new emotions and told him it wanted to go back. A new cut, this time peeling a strip of skin from his forearm, blotted the thought out in a flood of feeling. Ragged nerve endings sent signals to augmented pain receptors in his brain.

And Nauzagedyn, with his twisted mockery of a face, smiled.


+M.32.441+

True bitterness is a hard thing to describe. Nauzagedyn tried hard to nail an exact description down. Crushing aside a sobbing Imperial Guardsman, he contemplated that true bitterness was, perhaps, as definable as true happiness: unique to each person who experienced it. Undefinable by the very nature of human individuality... Each being’s collection of experiences was unique and unrepeatable. Yes, thought Nauzagedyn, here is a tenable theory.

A sudden impact on his armour distracted the Noise Marine from his philosophical ruminations. Nauzagedyn twisted on one leg, going into a half crouch in the rubble and bringing a corroded, shimmering warhammer to bear in front of him. A single, shivering man lay twenty feet before him, his legs twisted and snapped, trapped under a plasteel beam...

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Awww.... but sorry. The rest is so far either unwritten, or in a state undeserving of your attention.
*cough.unedited.cough*

Thanks for reading!

++Praexes++