Oath of the 8th WIP

Greetings brothers, I am writing a Fluffy oath/ Battle meditation for the 8th brotherhood, What do you all think?

Where there is darkness we will bring Light,
For we are His Will.
Where there is Treachery, we shall seek Vengeance,
For we are His Vengeance.
Where there is Deamon kind we will bring Judgment,
For we are the Emperors Sanction.
With our Deaths, We Preserve Humanities Future,
For that is our Sacrifice.
Where there is Innocence we shall bring hope,
For we are the Woes of the Treacherous.
Our watch is untiring and ceaseless
For our Duty is Eternal.
we are Mankind`s Divine Blade!

Perfect! it motives me a lot... I ask permission to use this on my vehicles... i will write it on the chassis.

I should add... at the end line...

we are Mankind`s Divine Blade! We are the Hammer!

Liberian Martel wrote:Greetings brothers, I am writing a Fluffy oath/ Battle meditation for the 8th brotherhood, What do you all think?

Where there is darkness we will bring Light,
For we are His Will.
Where there is Treachery, we shall seek Vengeance,
For we are His Vengeance.
Where there is Deamon kind we will bring Judgment,
For we are the Emperors Sanction.
With our Deaths, We Preserve Humanities Future,
For that is our Sacrifice.
Where there is Innocence we shall bring hope,
For we are the Woes of the Treacherous.
Our watch is untiring and ceaseless
For our Duty is Eternal.
we are Mankind`s Divine Blade!

Pretty cool brother! I think that this is an awesome piece of work.
I have underlined and will comment on a couple areas that IMHO could be changed.
1. Use more assertive language than "seek"... Use HAVE for example. We deal in absolutes when it comes to smiting daemons.
2. Perhaps talk more about our service, deeds, action, etc... Rather Than our deaths. This sounds like we are sacrificing ourselves rather than selling our lives at great cost to the enemy.
3. Not sure about the innocence and hope piece... We are largely unknown to humanity, believe that "innocence proves nothing", and have little time to concern our selves with concepts such as hope when there is work to be done.

As I said brother, I love what you have done and think it is brilliant as is. I just thought that I would offer a little feedback on areas for consideration.

Maybe you should mention the 8th brotherhood in the title.

Where there is darkness we will bring Light,
For we are His Will.
Where there is Treachery, we shall Bring Vengeance,
For we are the Bane of his Foes.
Where there is Deamonkind we will bring Judgment,
For we are the Emperors Sanction.
With our sacrifices, We Preserve Humanities Future,
For that is our Duty.
Where there is Innocence we shall bring hope,
For we are the Woes of the Treacherous.
Our watch is untiring and ceaseless,
For our Duty is Eternal.
Through our deeds the Enemy will learn to fear us,
For we are Chapter 666
We are the 8th Brotherhood of holy Titan,
Nothing shall evade our cleansing fire, not Daemon or Spawn or Renegade.

We are Mankind's Divine Blade!

We Are His Hammer!

Thankyou Brothers for your Kind Words
Grand Master Constantine, I like the part of our sacrifice because it shows we Know our fate, WE sacrifice our Humanity and ultimately our lives, to Save the Imperium. And I love your suggestion of more assertive words! I've tried to add a bit more to add a bit of what we do (service) and To me Grey Knights are Hope (even if nobody will ever Know what we have done!) for we stand against the Darkness. We Will Save Humanity. even the emperor describes us as hope ( Inscription on the Arcus Demonica " One unbrakeable shield in the coming darkness, One last blade forged in defiance of fate...)   [sorry for droning on Brother]

Brother Rurik you are most welcome to use any part of this however you wish!, and I love your addition! ( so I added it!)

Brother Thundershark, I think I have done what you meant?

Brilliant! Well done.

Indeed brother you have. Will you post song for the other brotherhoods or just this one?

Brother Thunder shark, I think i'll just leave it at the 8th but with a few changes or additions making one for other Brotherhoods should be rather easy. do you want another?

Yes please!

any Particular Brotherhood or deeds or Characters you want in it Brother?