Death Is Not The End - Warhammer 40k Fan-fic

Chapter 1
Loose connections

I lifted the Lasgun to my shoulder and began firing wildly; the Laser Armour piecing rounds flew out of the Lasgun’s nozzle at excruciating speeds and pinpoint accuracy. All in their path of death fell; their silent bodies fell to the ground as subtly as the wind blowing through the trees. My battery energy flashed red as I began to run low of shots; I slammed a fresh clip into the Lasgun and began firing again. A large Solider the size of a Space Marine reared around the corner, he roared with anger as he examined his fallen brothers around him. He charged at me, his eyes glowing red with pure anger. His Chain Sword slicing through the air like a perfectly balanced samurai sword. I fired a well-aimed burst of Shots at the soldier’s helmet and then fell back to the next corridor; I hid behind the large purple bulkhead and breathed in heavily. My mind began to wonder, my thoughts strayed, I though of home, my family, my friends; my thoughts were interrupted by a loud roar. I casually looked around the corner, the solider stood there; staring bleakly down the opposite corridor. He hadn’t yet seen me…If I could just slip a bit further down the corridor I might just be able to slip away, to late. The soldier’s head turned its red eyes scanning me, anticipating my next move. I began to run; it roared again and began stomping down the corridor directly behind me. My black boots clanked down the corridor, making an abnormally loud noise. I could hear his boots clanking behind me; I could tell he was picking up the pace. I sprinted around the corner I slipped, my knee snapped as I hit the ground the solider came around the corner and smiled at me. The walls around me flared, and disappeared leaving only the bleak black walls of the simulation room, my friend stood before me and smiled, “Looks like I win”. He wore a simulation suit modelled as a Chaos Marine.
I smiled and climbed to my feet, I scanned my Lasgun it was in almost perfect condition, it gleamed with polish. I place the Lasgun on the floor and it faded into the floor. My friend stood before me, and took off his simulation helmet. His name was James; he was tall with blonde hair and strong arms, he had blue eyes and was a Black Belt in Karate. He hefted his Long-las onto his shoulder; it was a long barrelled Sniper, the latest in use by the Imperial Guard. We shook each other’s hand and walked towards the door, it slid open, revelling a long corridor painted white; full of people rushing to their destinations. We walked out, mixing with the other people, our black uniforms matched most of there’s, all but the Space Marines whose uniforms consisted of Power Armour, like giants they moved along the corridor. James and me looked at each other in dismay as a Asatrates barged between us. We continued down the corridor before turning left in the firing range, I looked around. My squad knelt there firing accurately at the targets, their laser sights picking the exact spot on the targets to fire at. The Red laser sight flashed momentarily before the shot whizzed from the gun and exploded in the padded plastic target. The man knelling closest to me was a trooper called Dom; he had medium length Blonde hair, he was little shorter than most (But I wouldn’t say that to his face as you’d wake up with a broken nose in sick-bay). He was the Demolitions expert of the squad, he was slightly annoying at times, like making jokes that weren’t funny, but his attitude was tolerable and even at times funny. A large explosion erupted from the end of the firing range; I looked down at Dom to see him holding a Frak Grenade pin I nodded with respect as parts of the dummy scattered across the firing range. The trooper next to him, a man by the name of Ben stood up and yelled. “For the emporers sake Dom! Tell us next time you throw one of those things.” Dom stood up and looked Ben in the eyes, he said nothing, just raised his gloved hand and stuck up his middle finger. Ben just turned away, he was too mature to be insulted like that, he just knelt down again and began to fire his Lasgun, each round fraying into the chest of the target, he smiled happily as half of the plastic dummy fell to the floor, the other half stood limp on the stand. The trooper on his left stood, and recharged his massive Melta-Gun. He looked over to me and nodded, I nodded back. His name was Tom, he’d seen service in many battles along side me. He had short black hair with Green eyes, he was only a day older than me yet he looked like he was in his 30s, his face was hardened like that of a Veterans. He rested his massive weapon on the sandbag wall before him and began firing,
The door behind me slid open; I turned to see our squad medic enter the room. He smartly saluted James and me; we saluted back. He smiled at us, his white helmet with a red cross marked on it held firmly under his left arm. He name was Sam, yet the squad referred to him as ‘Doc’. He held in the other hand a Las Pistol, the safety clipped on. He nodded respectably at Dom Ben and Tom as he walked past to take his place on the firing range. He put his helmet on a rack with all the other helmets, and walked over to his allotted space, he crouched slightly and began to fire his Las Pistol a light tatter could barely be heard through the sound of the heavy fire coming from Tom. Abruptly the firing range door slid open, I turned to see a Space Marine standing in the door. I snapped to attention, as did James, he walked past, his Power armour reflecting the white light of the firing range. Ben whispered something to Dom and they both sniggered as he walked past, the Space Marine shot them a quick glance but continued to walk to the empty spot on the firing range, obviously disturbed by the reaction of the men. He took off his helmet to reveal Mid-length black hair. He withdrawed two large Bolt pistols from the holster on his legs, with amazing speed he took aim and fired with pinpoint accuracy through the chest and the head of the target. The target was classed as down within 10 seconds of him taking out his pistols, my squad stared with amazement at the new comer, James whispered in my ear, “I thought the range was only booked for us for today? In preparation for that mission that’s coming up.”
I looked back at him and just nodded then replied. “Yeah, only us and the other people involved in the mission, of which, I believe are Imperial Guard troopers, not the Astrates. We’ll report him to the commander when we see him at the briefing.”
“Yes sir, shall I order the men to resume firing Sir?” James replied.
“Yes, lets show this Space Marine what us Guardsmen are made of.”
James nodded, then bellowed. “Resume firing!” 3 Lasguns and a Melta Gun instantly sparked into life, their sound echoes around the room, each of they’re respective dummies fell to the floor, shredded and full of bullet holes. I smiled with satisfaction.

Chapter 2
The Briefing

I entered the room, my heavy metal boots sinking into the lavish carpet of the briefing room; I left my side arm on the desk outside the briefing room and entered. Every eye in the room turned to face me; I saw my squad was already assembled on the left side of the conference table. I walked with a deliberate stride towards the commander and said. “Sir, my squads session in the firing range was interrupted but a arrogant Space Marine…” I stopped talking as the very man entered the room.
The commander turned to me and said, “I believe you’ve met Captain Dan Siago of Space Marine Chapter, Dark Angles?”
My jaw dropped but I managed to say. “Yes…I have…”
The Captain sat down the in the empty chair opposite mine. I followed suit and took my seat at the table. Our briefing officer entered the room, I’d met him once before, his name was Johnny, I’d met him during other briefings. He’d raised a rank since we last met, since last time he was a Lieutenant. He stood at the front and began the meeting “Welcome gentlemen, lets get straight to the point. The objective of your mission is simple. You are to infiltrate this area marked on the map,” He pointed to a large section of the map that was highlighted with Red. “We believe that there is a Chaos Temple some where within this area. Now, we don’t know this area to well as only one squad has scouted this area; this squad was an Astrates squad under the command of Captain Dan Siago. He has valuable knowledge of the surrounding country side and the main features of the enemy bases in the area.” Before the captain could finish some one burst out with.
“There’s no way I’m doing a mission with an Astrates Captain in command!” I turned in dismay to see it was Dom; I shook my head and turned back to face the Captain. He just smiled and said.
“Well heres some good news trooper, Lieutenant Guvich is in overall command of this operation, Captain Siago is only here to ensure you keep to the right tracks and get to your location safely.”
Dom smiled and nodded and sat back down now secure that some one he trusted was in command. The Captain continued. “Now this mission is classed as high risk, you know the drill, if you lose a man, you must destroy the body to stop the enemy finding out about this operation. It’s the only way. Now, are there any questions?”
Tom’s hand rose. “Sir, when are we going?”
The Captain turned to face him before saying. “When its time for you to know, we’ll let you know, but before then just study these maps and try and find some time on the firing range”.
Tom nodded and lowered his hand. But Sam’s hand quickly rose to replace it. “Sir, what equipment will be needed and how long will we be out there for?” Sam asked.
The Captain quickly answered,” You’ll just need your basic equipment for this mission, and its estimated you’ll be out there for 2-3 days, but in case take 5 days worth of supplies. Sam nodded and jotted something down on the paper before him.
Ben then asked, “Sir, where’s the drop off point and the extraction point?”
The Captain smiled before replying, “Your an inquisitive lot you aren’t you? Well, your drop off point is here, 5 miles from where we believe the Tank factory is. And your extraction point is” He scanned the map momentarily before pointing to a spot at least 11 miles from where they thought the factory was. “Here”
I stood up and said, “You don’t seem so sure about that sir”
He looked at me straight in the eye and said, “Well…we’ve had to change the extraction point over 11 times already due to bad dropping conditions. But, this spot is ideal for Drop Pods and Valkayrie drop offs”.
I sat back down. And began thinking about what lay ahead. I looked down at the mission briefing, it seemed somewhat suspicious that a mission so simple was classed as high risk. I could see something else in Johnny’s eyes too, but orders were orders...

_____________________________

A Warhammer 40K fan-fic, its about a Sqaud of Imperial Guardsmen that get sent on a mission with a Space Marine Captain, the relations between them waver, but in the end the Astrates proves himself in the eyes of the Guardsmen. They're sent on a mission to destroy a Chaos Temple, yet as the title depicts not all goes well. Chapter 3 "Drop Off" Just needs some 'sanding down' as you may put it, it should be up soon.

This isn't my job, and I don't have all day, so I'll proof the first paragraph for now. From what I've read so far, it's much better than the other story you posted.

I simplly added in any changes this time.

"I lifted the Lasgun to my shoulder and began firing wildly; the laser armour-piercing rounds flew out of the Lasgun’s barrel at excruciating speeds and with pinpoint accuracy. All in their path fell; silent bodies crumpled to the ground as softly as the wind blowing through the trees. My battery energy flashed red as I began to run low; I slammed a fresh clip into the lasgun and began firing again. A large solider the size of a Space Marine reared around the corner, roaring with anger as he saw his fallen brothers around him. He charged at me, eyes glowing red with distilled hate. His chainsword sliced through the air with all the grace of a trained Deathcult Assassin. I fired a well-aimed burst of shots at the soldier’s helmet and then fell back to the next corridor; I hid behind a large purple bulkhead and breathed in heavily. My mind began to wander, my thoughts strayed. I though of home, my family, my friends; my thoughts were interrupted by a loud roar. I casually looked around the corner, the solider stood there; staring bleakly down the opposite corridor. He hadn’t yet seen me…If I could just slip a bit further down the corridor I might just be able to slip away, too late. The soldier’s head turned it's red eyes scanning me, anticipating my next move. I began to run, it roared again and began stomping down the corridor directly behind me. My boots clanked down the corridor, mirroring the pounding of my terrified heart. I heard his boots clanking behind me, getting closer all the time. I sprinted around the corner and slipped, my knee shattered as I hit the ground. The solider came around the corner and flashed a death's head grin at me, predatory and dangerous: the razor-sharp smile of a Catachan Treeshark who knows it is about to be fed. The walls around me flared, and disappeared leaving only the bleak black walls of the simulation room, my friend stood before me and smiled, “Looks like I win”. He wore a simulation suit modelled as a Chaos Marine."

Liked it much better than the other one you posted. I'll get around to reading the rest soon enough; I have a research paper due next week which needs five pages added to it. :/

Praex are you going to go over my whole story and re-write it?

Well, eventually. Just to fix grammatical errors and in-universe anachronisms.

I mean, 40k has no samurais.

Well how about we use constructive feed-back and advice on improvment rather than re-writing my whole story? Huh? Huh? Huh?

Hey, I'm just giving suggestions. It's called proof reading: another person reads the story, and fixes errors. Whether or not you want to heed my advice is up to you.

Ah, everything you say is important to me Praex...*Shifts eyes*

Any way. I'm off for tonight, till tomorrow my freinds.

He lifts his lasgun to his shoulder and begins firing wildly, why do i get the picture of him firing into the air?

And i would have more spaces.

Like this.

"We were to be extracted from the medical bay at 19:00, the guard that arrived looked grizzled and old, clearly showing he didn't like doing this. at all.
After a while i had dressed up in my combat gear and bagan to follow the guard, his eyes clearly showing that he woud rather spit on me than lead me to an important member of his employers.

After a while we arrived at the command deck and the officer stood there, turned away from us, looking out the window.
Outside it was cold, dark, a cratered hell, luckily we were miles up in the air and such didn't see all the suffering going on down there.

Then he turned around and revealed his true form, hidius, lizard like face with face as of a monster from a nightmare!

The monster grabbed a bolt pistol from his robe and aimed it for me, hizzing joyfully!

-Oh shi.......

*Bam Bam*
*thud*

-Uuuuuhh............."

Get where i'm going?