Oath of the 8th WIP

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Oath of the 8th WIP

Post by Liberian Martel on Wed Mar 04, 2015 11:35 pm

Greetings brothers, I am writing a Fluffy oath/ Battle meditation for the 8th brotherhood, What do you all think?

Where there is darkness we will bring Light,
For we are His Will.
Where there is Treachery, we shall seek Vengeance,
For we are His Vengeance.
Where there is Deamon kind we will bring Judgment,
For we are the Emperors Sanction.
With our Deaths, We Preserve Humanities Future,
For that is our Sacrifice.
Where there is Innocence we shall bring hope,
For we are the Woes of the Treacherous.
Our watch is untiring and ceaseless
For our Duty is Eternal.
we are Mankind`s Divine Blade!

Liberian Martel
Henchmen
Henchmen

Number of posts : 81
Age : 19
Location : Warp...
Army : Grey Knights 8th brotherhood/ Tau Empire
Registration date : 2012-10-07

Grey knight
stats:

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Oath of the 8th WIP

Post by rurik on Thu Mar 05, 2015 7:24 am

Perfect! it motives me a lot... I ask permission to use this on my vehicles... i will write it on the chassis.

I should add... at the end line...

we are Mankind`s Divine Blade! We are the Hammer!

rurik
Stormtrooper
Stormtrooper

Number of posts : 46
Age : 31
Registration date : 2012-07-13

Grey knight
stats:

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Oath of the 8th WIP

Post by Constantine on Thu Mar 05, 2015 7:45 am

Liberian Martel wrote:Greetings brothers, I am writing a Fluffy oath/ Battle meditation for the 8th brotherhood, What do you all think?

Where there is darkness we will bring Light,
For we are His Will.
Where there is Treachery, we shall seek Vengeance,
For we are His Vengeance.
Where there is Deamon kind we will bring Judgment,
For we are the Emperors Sanction.
With our Deaths, We Preserve Humanities Future,
For that is our Sacrifice.
Where there is Innocence we shall bring hope,
For we are the Woes of the Treacherous.
Our watch is untiring and ceaseless
For our Duty is Eternal.
we are Mankind`s Divine Blade!

Pretty cool brother! I think that this is an awesome piece of work.
I have underlined and will comment on a couple areas that IMHO could be changed.
1. Use more assertive language than "seek"... Use HAVE for example. We deal in absolutes when it comes to smiting daemons.
2. Perhaps talk more about our service, deeds, action, etc... Rather Than our deaths. This sounds like we are sacrificing ourselves rather than selling our lives at great cost to the enemy.
3. Not sure about the innocence and hope piece... We are largely unknown to humanity, believe that "innocence proves nothing", and have little time to concern our selves with concepts such as hope when there is work to be done.

As I said brother, I love what you have done and think it is brilliant as is. I just thought that I would offer a little feedback on areas for consideration.

_________________
+++"There is nothing in the arcane and blasphemous arsenal of the forces of Chaos that can compare to faith. With the power of faith, our weapons become shining instruments of deliverance that can cleave the mightiest daemon in twain. With the power of faith, our minds appear as slivers of pure agony to the daemon, driving into the wretched forms of those who would dare stand before us. With the power of faith, our words become commands that cause the daemon to cower and cringe in terror. I could meet my enemies unarmed without a shred of fear in my chest, for I know that the Emperor watches over me and guides my hand. So let them come. We shall show them what the power of faith can do."+++ (Brother Captain Stern)

Constantine
Adeptus Moderatus
Adeptus Moderatus

Number of posts : 5793
Age : 41
Location : The British Columbia Sector
Army : Grand Master Mordrak's Brotherhood, Deathwing...Pretty much any first company! I LOVE terminators!!!
Registration date : 2008-05-26

Grey knight
stats:

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Oath of the 8th WIP

Post by Thunder Shark on Thu Mar 05, 2015 5:53 pm

Maybe you should mention the 8th brotherhood in the title.

Thunder Shark
Grey Knight
Grey Knight

Number of posts : 369
Age : 23
Army : Grey Knights(growing and current)/Imperial Guard(retired)/Dwarfs(retired)/Lizardmen(Collection purposes)
Registration date : 2014-03-04

Grey knight
stats:

View user profile

Back to top Go down

=][= Oath of the 8th Brotherhood =][=

Post by Liberian Martel on Fri Mar 06, 2015 4:45 am

Where there is darkness we will bring Light,
For we are His Will.
Where there is Treachery, we shall Bring Vengeance,
For we are the Bane of his Foes.
Where there is Deamonkind we will bring Judgment,
For we are the Emperors Sanction.
With our sacrifices, We Preserve Humanities Future,
For that is our Duty.
Where there is Innocence we shall bring hope,
For we are the Woes of the Treacherous.
Our watch is untiring and ceaseless,
For our Duty is Eternal.
Through our deeds the Enemy will learn to fear us,
For we are Chapter 666
We are the 8th Brotherhood of holy Titan,
Nothing shall evade our cleansing fire, not Daemon or Spawn or Renegade.

We are Mankind's Divine Blade!

We Are His Hammer!


Thankyou Brothers for your Kind Words Razz Embarassed Surprised Very Happy Cool sunny
Grand Master Constantine, I like the part of our sacrifice because it shows we Know our fate, WE sacrifice our Humanity and ultimately our lives, to Save the Imperium. And I love your suggestion of more assertive words! I've tried to add a bit more to add a bit of what we do (service) and To me Grey Knights are Hope (even if nobody will ever Know what we have done!) for we stand against the Darkness. We Will Save Humanity. even the emperor describes us as hope ( Inscription on the Arcus Demonica " One unbrakeable shield in the coming darkness, One last blade forged in defiance of fate...)   [sorry for droning on Brother]

Brother Rurik you are most welcome to use any part of this however you wish!, and I love your addition! ( so I added it!)

Brother Thundershark, I think I have done what you meant?


Last edited by Liberian Martel on Fri Mar 06, 2015 6:57 am; edited 4 times in total (Reason for editing : Its Better! (Again))

Liberian Martel
Henchmen
Henchmen

Number of posts : 81
Age : 19
Location : Warp...
Army : Grey Knights 8th brotherhood/ Tau Empire
Registration date : 2012-10-07

Grey knight
stats:

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Oath of the 8th WIP

Post by Constantine on Fri Mar 06, 2015 7:29 am

Brilliant! Well done.

_________________
+++"There is nothing in the arcane and blasphemous arsenal of the forces of Chaos that can compare to faith. With the power of faith, our weapons become shining instruments of deliverance that can cleave the mightiest daemon in twain. With the power of faith, our minds appear as slivers of pure agony to the daemon, driving into the wretched forms of those who would dare stand before us. With the power of faith, our words become commands that cause the daemon to cower and cringe in terror. I could meet my enemies unarmed without a shred of fear in my chest, for I know that the Emperor watches over me and guides my hand. So let them come. We shall show them what the power of faith can do."+++ (Brother Captain Stern)

Constantine
Adeptus Moderatus
Adeptus Moderatus

Number of posts : 5793
Age : 41
Location : The British Columbia Sector
Army : Grand Master Mordrak's Brotherhood, Deathwing...Pretty much any first company! I LOVE terminators!!!
Registration date : 2008-05-26

Grey knight
stats:

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Oath of the 8th WIP

Post by Thunder Shark on Mon Mar 09, 2015 7:58 pm

Indeed brother you have. Will you post song for the other brotherhoods or just this one?

Thunder Shark
Grey Knight
Grey Knight

Number of posts : 369
Age : 23
Army : Grey Knights(growing and current)/Imperial Guard(retired)/Dwarfs(retired)/Lizardmen(Collection purposes)
Registration date : 2014-03-04

Grey knight
stats:

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Oath of the 8th WIP

Post by Liberian Martel on Tue Mar 10, 2015 4:00 am

Brother Thunder shark, I think i'll just leave it at the 8th but with a few changes or additions making one for other Brotherhoods should be rather easy. Very Happy do you want another?

Liberian Martel
Henchmen
Henchmen

Number of posts : 81
Age : 19
Location : Warp...
Army : Grey Knights 8th brotherhood/ Tau Empire
Registration date : 2012-10-07

Grey knight
stats:

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Oath of the 8th WIP

Post by rurik on Tue Mar 10, 2015 6:27 am

Yes please!

rurik
Stormtrooper
Stormtrooper

Number of posts : 46
Age : 31
Registration date : 2012-07-13

Grey knight
stats:

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Oath of the 8th WIP

Post by Liberian Martel on Tue Mar 10, 2015 7:02 am

any Particular Brotherhood or deeds or Characters you want in it Brother?

Liberian Martel
Henchmen
Henchmen

Number of posts : 81
Age : 19
Location : Warp...
Army : Grey Knights 8th brotherhood/ Tau Empire
Registration date : 2012-10-07

Grey knight
stats:

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Oath of the 8th WIP

Post by Sponsored content Today at 9:34 am


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum