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The ladies.

Post by Klomster on Sun Feb 10, 2013 10:46 pm

Sitting here at half 6 in the morning, not slept yet and with my throat acting up again knowing that no medicines I've gotten so far helps, with my ears ringing and my belly being an arse again.

I come to think of a thing i have though of time and time again, and it is something most people (at least roughly half the populace of the world one time or another) have thought about.
How do you get the ladies?

This truly has nothing to do with the hobby, but this hobby has the drawback that the general populace playing these games are not girls, and don't hang out the same places as girls.
Yes Dark Bjoern I know you have like 1'000 million lady friends who all love to shout for the emperor and skulls for the skull throne with you, that's nice, you lucky git Razz

This hobby have a lot of insecure people in it, insecure people that have found a common namer that they share, always having that one common thing you all share is a great way of getting confidence, since you know you have at least one common interest!
Sadly this common interest is seldom shared with the ladies.

So how do we address this problem?
We all know that just going to a bar never quite work (if it does, how on earth does it work for you?) since most of our demographic isn't really the good looking types, often the very reason we often have a slight shyness in general.
And parties aren't really the way either, it just feels odd and strange most of the time and the girls go after someone else anyway.

So we are at a tantrum here, not knowing where to find girls, therefore never really meeting any girls, leading to not knowing how to speak to girls and that ultimately leads to total awkwardness around them.

I'm sure at least one person will agree on this one.

So, seeing how i'm taking the lead here, i guess i'll start.

Me not being a very good looking guy, having a fat belly not to be proud of and a general lack of caring and good health, i should give some advice i know works for me, sadly for you, you are not me and therefore are at a disadvantage...... i'm just goofing, this should work kinda in general. Razz

1) Seeing how you like 40k, you probably likes other kinds of sci-fi, sci-fantasy and fantasy? You like shaping the world it's set in and to go out with a badass dude and whack the baddies!
Have you tried roleplaying? If not you will probably like it. And if you have, have you tried with different groups?
And i'm not talking forum RP's here, i'm talking get together and play DnD, GURPS, warhammer fantasy roleplay or call of Cthulhu or something, whatever rolls with you.

If you find a fun group you will probably get a bunch of very good friends (like my best friends Very Happy we met with the common medium of Dark heresy and have rolplayed once a week ever since, several years ago now since we started.....)

If you get a bad group, you will know it. It generally doesn't last that long and tend to loose its value. But fear not, either get rid of the bad fruit so to say, or start over.
One way to find a group is to ask on a local forum, a local 40k forum is good also or ask on a more international site for local players.

Chances are that a few people do exist near you, and that they could think of getting a second campaign going or inviting a new member.
The reason is that roleplaying to me..... actually feels and continue to show me that it is a broader spectrum of genders in them (more males of course, but broader) somehow it seems to lure the ladies in more than figurines.

The thing with roleplaying is that at least where i live, there is a community for it. Which means another common get together!
Another similar family of hobbies include larping, at least around here it is a massive amount of ladies in the hobby compared to miniature gaming. Girls apparently likes dressing up in strange clothes and goof around in the forest with a bunch of friends.
Do focus on larps playing a role is the focus, fighting with foam swords being fun and all, girls seldom are into that.

If such a thing doesn't exist near you, try running one with the roleplaying group you just joined!
And ask around for others who could consider joining and ask them to ask others. It could be a totally awesome weekend if you get a good larp with some work behind it done!
Especially if you get people who are willing to really try to live into their roles.

I'd be more than willing to help here.

Regardless of what, if you try this, you will have met more people. And perhaps even some girls. You will have a solid reason to ask them if they would like to try it and a few friends to back you up. It's even more easy since you are not asking them something awfully personal (like, -"You wanna go on a date with me Very Happy")
And if you like roleplaying, try different groups, go to tournaments (yes there are tournaments, much like 40k, they are called something else but they are more akin to tournaments.)

2) Find another hobby.
I'm not saying -"Stop miniature gaming you fat nerd." I'm saying add another hobby.
This will have the same advantage as the above reason, with the penalty that eventual girls you meet won't be as similar to you as with roleplaying. Yes I'm speaking for my own hobbies here.

Perhaps pottery? Hiking. Archery. SCA (and in the heavy fighting you get to fight with swords Razz). Or anything else with these premises.
It should not be a sport.
Sports have locker rooms which create a natural border between you and the girls, crossing that border is a bad idea (it's called a locker room door, you can use you imagination for how that will work out for ya) and the often competative environment and focus on the activity is often working against you here.
It should be a friendly environment, with a relaxed approach.
Like art classes, i'm sure there are some local people who hangs out somewhere to paint, or perhaps take a small course (don't know name, you pay money, you go to place and learn activity with others for a few weeks.)

These activities also give you a common medium, you can discuss art, or your lack of knowledge of the medium Rolling Eyes and hiking (group hiking of course) has natural pauses for snacks and generally enjoying the views. Plus that one is good for your health! (As is all activities so far I've said, yes all.)
Regardless of what always be honest, if you are not joining the classes or whatever it is for the activity itself but mainly for meeting new people, say that. Don't pretend to like something you don't.

3)SCA. Society of Creative Anachronism.
You like medieval stuff? This is the place to go.
It's a large international organization with many branches, including heavy fighting. The art of chivalrous combat.
The reason this is a better sport than others is that often in training, you speak of and discuss how the group is progressing. It is a team effort and it can be great fun.

Look it up.

4) Just be!
I'm Klomster, I play the harmonica, i'm kinda good at it now honestly.
On friday and saturday nights i go outside a local bar and play for the "drunkards" as i like to call them.

This is honestly great fun, and i don't do it to earn money, which makes it legal! YAY!!! Razz

Here i stand playing, and often people approach me with question, song wishes or just to dance.

I've met and talked to more girls this way than any other. Although standing on a street and just play the harmonica (sometimes in medieval clothing) takes a certain kind of mind.
Not your mind you might ask?

When i was in school, i was the most shy person in class. I sat in the front row to the left and mostly hung out with the teachers and cleaning personell.
I never really had any friends (although no one really disliked me) but none hanged out with me, none were my real friends. Just classmates.
Anything you feel familiar with?
I was afraid to ask my mother for ice-cream when little, not that she'd ever get angry for me asking, but i still wouldn't dare. I used to spend time sneaking around.
Hiding and try to be seen by no one. Exploring the surroundings.

Not until high school (or swedish version of it) did i really hang out with the classmates, but only during breaks. And that's after i joined a local club which is where i met my roleplaying friends actually.
The people that taught me to be social, a bunch of nerds Razz The irony.

All in all, only nowdays i've stopped being a total pussy when it comes to speaking to people, i can ask a question to someone without feeling panic and i dare to show myself in public, and don't even think about how i am percieved as something that can only be bad. But i think i am cool.
I'm 25 now, it has been a long way.

So i play harmonica outside a local bar, i'm beginning to become a bit of a local living legend.
I also gave out butter to girls last time Razz Why? Because if someone who's playing the harmonica suddenly gives you a 1kg package of butter, how would you react?
That's the reason Cool
Some reactions were priceless.

But you can't do that, it takes years to learn to play an instrument.
I've played for roughly a year now.
But you don't dare do that?
That's more of a problem, as i said not everyone is me, i lack passion in my life since i'm a apathic sad depressed person. And lost the ability to give a bugger all.
I don't care at all.
Something i am trying to get help for (it's really serious.)
But you do care, what will people think? They will laugh at me! They will stare at me, judge me! If i screw up i will appear as a fool!
So what?
Everyone screws up, everyone feels that way. So does everyone else, they are just better at hiding it.
Give it a go, don't be afraid to be. It can be great fun.

If you try to mimic me with playing an instrument, learn it in private, then play in increasingly more open venues.

When you are done at home, play in the middle of nowhere, change to a park, try the outskirts of town, try suddenly start playing on the street while going somewhere.
A good instrument always cheers up.

And remember, no instrument i know is as portable as a harmonica.

.............................................................

All in all, that's the tips i can give.
Not just the general stuff, but ways to do the general stuff. New venues to try out and new possibilities and opportunities.

And remember, as my mother always say.
-"You are the most important person in your life." My mother is kinda wise after all Very Happy

So stop staring at this screen for a while. Man it's all white and will tire your eyes.

Take a shower, use some deodorant (both retardedly important, according to science girls tend to be more disgusted with smell than looks, true story.)
When you are done with that, grab a few new t-shirts, try a new kind of shirt. Get a hat perhaps?
Go for a walk first, enjoy a park or the bustling of people around you, or lack thereof. Depending on where you are.
Take a slow walk, you are in no hurry.
Know in you heart that no one can do something towards you.
A mugger comes? SCREAM LIKE A MANIAC, quote the grey knights one liners, quote deamons and act ultra aggresive. They are just punks anyway. Not as awesome as you are. You are fucking awesome man Very Happy

So go out there and be. That's an order!

If you have some other good advice, or doubt my genius (since i'm a shy little guy who's telling you screaming grey knights quotes at muggers will get you girls) feel free to discuss. I'm gonna sit here in this part of the forum and sip a little glass of imaginary whiskey. Chilling with you guys and enjoying myself.

You should enjoy yourself as well!

So cya around guys!

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Re: The ladies.

Post by DOMIN4TRIX on Sun Feb 10, 2013 11:36 pm

As I write this i'm hunched over the laptop, trying to block my GF and my housemate from peeking over my shoulder and seeing that i'm on a wargaming forum whilst they watch the walking dead / Kardasians on the TV. This is not an uncommon pose.

I was half way through a miniwargaming batrep video when she got home from work today - at the turn of the key I turned it off instantly and wont go back to it until I next have the house to myself.

In their world forums like this don't exist, games like this are just jokes they don't understand on the Big Bang Theory. She has no idea that tonight when I took her to a nice restaurant I was thinking about whether two Interceptor squads is one too many. I have a soccer website open on the other tab so if she gets up from the sofa I can switch panes and she will go on believing i'm still reading about my boy Gareth Bale.

After about a year she realised I watch Star Trek and I think she finds it endearing in a geeky kind of way but she has no idea how far the rabbit hole goes. I'm embarrassed to say this is a guilty pleasure for me.

My brother calls me a stealth geek - he openly talks about 40K and if there is any other person in the room i'll change the subject instantly so that no-one will know what we were actually discussing.

This is my solution to having an active sex life - It's not perfect but it works for me.

In the wise words of Ari Gold 'deny till you die buddy'

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Re: The ladies.

Post by Souba on Mon Feb 11, 2013 10:15 am

so far i didnt had problems with ladys to view my hobby. i show it openly back then with paintstation in my room and i always had the girls walking towards it and asking what i was doing. so i talked a bit about the painting and modelling. then they mostly start to ask questions themself and then it goes to the gaming aspect and funny enough i had out of 7 girls i had until i met my fiance 5 that asked to play a testgame with me. 4 of them even stared to paint and model and 2 play this game still. (one for 8 years now and the other for 9 years.)

i spend my money as i wish. its my hobby. i dont blame them for putting hundreds of euros into makeup and billions of shoes.

to live and let live. was always my way of thinking and well if someone does not like my hobby then screw them. i dont force anybody to share it with me.

my fiance knew about my hobby from the moment we started dating. i met her at a place i worked back then. and yeah. she even supports me in it. giving me sometimes gift coupons from GW or some miniatures/boxes as surprise. a few more years and my son will start painting and playing aswell Twisted Evil (only if he wishes to of course.)

hiding this hobby makes it look even more geek like i think. live more open minded. there is so much more embarrassing stuff that everyone does and making a dark secret out of it will not help to let it less nerdy, its the opposide i think.

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Re: The ladies.

Post by Klomster on Mon Feb 11, 2013 1:20 pm

A stealth geek, LOL that's awesome... in sad kind of way Razz
I dunno, i just find it funny.

I'm more with suoba here, why are you hiding your hobby man? You are living in a lie.

You pretend you like soccer? Loads of people like soccer, not as many likes miniatures.
Miniatures are much more interesting than soccer to me. Sure, i it might be fun to play soccer with some friends, but watch some probably not as good friends play soccer a million miles away against another team of people you don't know...... where's the fun in that?

I'm not a sports person.

I think like this. dominatrix, what would happen if your girlfriend found out this forum exists?
And that you play miniatures games?

Would she think it's nerdy like with the star trek example, or would she forbid you from playing?

If she would forbid you from playing..... is she really worth having?
I know i'm harsh but if you can't have your hobbies, why should she get to have hers? That's equality.
I find your user name a bit ironic now, even if she isn't a control freak Razz

The joys of a girlfriend is something not everyone knows (including me) so it might be worth giving up a hobby.
But it feels a bit strange that someone who claims to be liking you don't let you play some games with friends. It's not super expensive after all.

A fun thing is that both of you seem to have found this mysterious being known as a girlfriend.
How did that come to be? Are you just that much more gorgeous than me or are you sociable unlike me?

I myself is the master of awkward silence in new situations. I'm really bad at conversing with new people.

Note that a forum like this is more anonymous, and writing is much easier than saying, especially if someone is looking at you.

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Re: The ladies.

Post by DOMIN4TRIX on Mon Feb 11, 2013 4:08 pm

I have no idea how she would react - though there is no question of me ever being forbidden to do something I enjoy. I just choose not to share it with her. She would have no interest in it so why talk to her about it. It's not something I broach with my work colleagues or my football teammates either. It would be like coming on here and trying to discuss this weekends premier league scores, the latest Margiela collection or dry suit diving.

I imagine many people hide facets of their lives from others. This is something I do, like painting, sports, watching old films and reading older books, or my work life. Its a part of me but I don't let it define me.

I actually quite enjoy the fact that when I walk into a GW the staff look at me like i'm lost - Then when I ask for something specific or correct them on something from a codex they look at me gobsmacked. I can't be pidgeon holed so easily.

I doubt i'm alone in choosing who I discuss my hobbies with.

I guess in validating my secrecy in this matter i'm suggesting the need to match your conversation to your audience and if this means broadening your horizons then all the better. My GF likes dogs, good food, castles, beach holidays, ancient mythology and has paticular interest in the motivation of serial killers (her equivalent of star trek I suppose) I attempt to meet her halfway.

She has parts of her life she doesnt share with me, like her religion, that I have no interest in and she respects. She was brought up in a kosher house though doesn't expect me to live in one - I grew up wargaming with my brothers though I dont expect her to embrace it either.


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Re: The ladies.

Post by Souba on Mon Feb 11, 2013 4:48 pm

She has parts of her life she doesnt share with me, like her religion, that I have no interest in and she respects. She was brought up in a kosher house though doesn't expect me to live in one - I grew up wargaming with my brothers though I dont expect her to embrace it either.

the thing is you know about her reiligous interests but you hide your interests from her. you dont force her to share your hobby with her, you simply hide it.

showing her your hobbys is not forcing her to be part of it. but giving you freedom to browse wargaming sites without sport pages on other tabs while she is in the room for example. you dont force her to do anyhting with your hobby but you have the right to do your hobby anytime you want and got time for it.

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Re: The ladies.

Post by DOMIN4TRIX on Mon Feb 11, 2013 5:51 pm

I feel like Tom Cruise being told to come out of the wargaming closet!

My point is simple, i've never impressed a girl by talking to her about wargaming and would never expect to. I ask about her, take an interest in her hobbies.

Within my family there are no secrets - between my best friends / GF there are some and between me and colleague's / acquantances there are many. When a GF becomes family then that will change the dynamic.

I'm just happy being like the guy from Knocked Up that sneaks out to play fantasy baseball. There is no harm in it.

You don't feel the least bit apprehensive about explaining that your a grown man that plays with toy soldiers? I salute you both.

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Re: The ladies.

Post by Rivan on Mon Feb 11, 2013 6:16 pm

This is a very interesting thread...thanks Klom for starting it Very Happy

I guess I'm your classic idealist who believes that "there is a specific someone for each person." Regardless of where you are, what hobby you're in, what you like or don't like, if it is your destiny, then you will meet someone who will accept you and like you for who you are. So what does this mean? Be true to yourself and be happy w/ your choices. Everything else will follow. Call me a hopeless romantic but I truly believe that. I knew my wife just 4 months when I asked her to marry me...and here we are 20 years later Very Happy

I guess I fall in a different category since I was already married for 13 years before I started W40K. My son got me into it and ironically, he's stopped for now (high school, girls, sports, girls, etc). But I'm still doing it because I love the hobby. My wife supports it because she know I really enjoy it. And since I don't really have any other hobbies/sports like golf and I don't really drink so I don't hang out in bars drinking with friends or co-workers, whatever time I spend gaming/building/painting is quite reasonable.

Whenever its league night at my LGS, my wife and son would sometimes tease me that I'm off to spend the night w/ my geeky friends Razz I just reply back that at least, I'm the best dressed geek in the house Laughing Not really bragging...I was a manager for a Polo Ralph Lauren store for 3 years before joining the military so I developed the habit of being well dressed wherever I go Razz


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"It is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles; if you do not know your enemies but do know yourself, you will win one and lose one; if you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperiled in every single battle." --Sun Tzu (from ancient Earth)

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Re: The ladies.

Post by Klomster on Mon Feb 11, 2013 7:12 pm

Well dominatrix, at least you seem content.

I just imagine you sitting like gollum or something with that laptop saying similar things when browsing this site.

Then your GF strikes and asks what you're up to and you become like a different person and is like.
-"Well you see, manchester united have gotten a new player, this will give them this kind of new game mechanic blah blah blah...."

I think you should give away the secret, it's not like you are the only older-esque guy in this hobby.
My best pals who roleplay with me are most of them turning 30 this year or the next.
We all play miniature games as well.
(The bad part of this example is that none of us have girlfriends......) BUT IGNORE THAT Very Happy

We're not saying you should try to impress her with 40k.
-"Hello ladies, have you seen my librarian? He has toughness 4!" (Best pickup line ever.)

I'm saying you should say.
-"Hey GF, i actually like this, and i do it from time to time. Just so you know Very Happy"

Worst case scenario she turns into a balrog and eats your sofa, best case she joins you.
No matter what it's a win win situation, since having a balrog as a girlfriend is kinda awesome and that sofa was old anyway.

And Rivan, best dressed geek in the house. Probably something a lot of people can manage, but you might even manage it in a house of geeks i suppose?

It's interesting how you started playing after you got married, this hobby is often started in the teens.

But now we need some tips. We can't afford buying russian wives so how do we get some Razz

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Re: The ladies.

Post by Rivan on Mon Feb 11, 2013 7:27 pm

Not sure if someone who's been married for 20 years is the best person to give advice on how to meet women Razz but I think there are several options...

- dating websites seem to work for a lot of people now
- going on social activities (outdoor trips, camping, religious groups, etc)
- going to bars/clubs

Of course, it also all depends on what kind of relationship you're looking for. That will probably dictate where you want to look for a possible mate. This is all just to meet more girls of course.

As for forging a relationship, like I already mentioned, you can't really predict when you'll meet your special someone. All I know is that whoever that person is, she has to know you for you are and accept you as you are--higher probability of a lasting relationship this way Smile

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"It is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles; if you do not know your enemies but do know yourself, you will win one and lose one; if you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperiled in every single battle." --Sun Tzu (from ancient Earth)

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Re: The ladies.

Post by Constantine on Mon Feb 11, 2013 8:36 pm

Great points all.

#1 rule is be yourself. Like has been mentioned integrity is very important. What is the point of getting a girlfriend by pretending to be someone your not? Keep those responses clean Brothers!!! We are talking relationships NOT hookups Razz

Another couple of things to keep in mind are:

- If nothing changes, nothing changes.... Meaning that if you are not getting what you want from what you are doing......you guessed it, try something else.

- The definition of insanity = doing the same thing time and time again and expecting a different result geek

Things to try:

- Dating sites. You can put it all out there and if you get any contacts it is because they are interested in you for you. Just beware of fake profiles of supermodels looking for Grey Knight players to marry Suspect
- Try new interests
- Talk to a random girl just for the purpose of talking to her. Practice with cashiers and waitresses. Don't go in with the intention that you are going to get something out of it.
- If you are not comfortable talking about yourself, listen to what she has to say and ask open ended questions (Questions that can not be answered yes or no)
- Say that you are nervous talking to pretty women
- Keep trying. If you don't practice you won't get any better.

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Re: The ladies.

Post by volvoe on Mon Feb 11, 2013 9:34 pm

I was expecting to see some models when clicking on this thread. How disappointing .-. jk jk

How to get the ladies 101:

From a tactical viewpoint: You need charm and wit. BUT ALSO a lot of resources and finances. Cool And of course, confidence.

lol from my own experience you have to start with knowing what you're looking for. Some people will say "ANYONE" but that's a bad mind set. That just comes off as desperation. Once you figured out the type of person you want to be in a relationship with you have to have confidence to believe that you could swipe them off their feet. That's where your wit and charm comes in Wink. But then I guess this thread is asking where to find females.. In all honesty they are every where Razz The main problem is finding someone that shares the similar interests. If you don't like clubbing or dancing, then simply going to a bar or club is not the place to go. Going to a party you know you'll be uncomfortable at is basically setting yourself up for failure. That's why you go to parties you are comfortable at and hopefully your friends will introduce you to lady friends. When it comes to a serious relationship, the best advice my brother gave me was think: "Do I want my daughter to be like her." WYSIWYG. That doesn't mean judge a book by it's cover but you should be picky when it comes to your girlfriend. If you know you're not the greatest looking, you can't expect to score with a 10. That doesn't mean you can't either! It's all about your confidence, how you display yourself, and actually committing to a relationship.

On the point about resources I was going to jest about money, but knowledge is also a good resource. Although I love 40k I also keep up with a lot of different things like basketball (NBA), current movies, TV shows (at a minimal), video games, magic, boxing, break dancing, MMA, football, and a lot of reading on philosophy. I guess being a college student allows you to spend a lot of time other than studying.. Razz The point is allowing yourself to be able to talk about anything with anyone; and choosing to say the correct things. That is a skill you need to practice of course and you have to overcome shy-ness.

I've only been in 2 serious relationships. My first girlfriend didn't like my nerdy side at all. In fact she would sabotage my game of Magic at times by stealing cards and putting them back into the deck. But I guess that was just a call for attention and why it eventually didn't work out. However, what did make things work for those 3 years was that I only talked to her about things that revolved in her world and took her on dates that she liked. She didn't like me for my nerdy side, but for everything else I provided (mainly emotional comfort). I met her in highschool so I guess it isn't really fair to say that's a good place to look for future ladies.. Razz

My current girlfriend is completely different. When we were just "friends" I had her drop me off at my local game store to pick up the 6th edition rule book. Laughing So she knew that I was a nerd right off the bat, funny thing is she is one too. She plays a lot of video games and I also got her into playing League of Legends. When I showed her 40k she was curious on how the models were. When were courtship phase I basically explained the process of painting them and sent pictures to her. I mean I don't recommend this! But hey, she was at least curious about it and has appreciation for art. I think when introducing 40k the best is to show the visual aspect of it. I showed her the colorful pictures in the rulebook. And then showed her my models. Of course they weren't as good but when she saw the process (shaving, priming, multiple coats, drybrushing, etc) she could see the amount of time it took to make a miniature look so cool. I also taught her how to play magic and she beat my other friend's girlfriend without my help! I guess I should explain how I was able to catch her. Well she was an acquaintance of mine for a while. And one day we started talking on Facebook. And eventually I asked her out on a date.

When I had her come watch a game for the first time I was extremely nervous. I told her she could leave if it was too boring. However, I haven't lost a game since she's there and she stays there the entire time (well mostly)! She didn't understand the rules, but I tried to get her somehow involved with the game. Since it was a casual game we allowed her to set up terrain every time (she usually makes it a disadvantage for me putting all the pretty terrain every where giving them cover and giving me a chance for immobilizing myself). As I played I would explain to her the gist of what was going on. We cheered every time I killed something, and did the opposite when something of mine perished. My best friend still believes that she actually doesn't like watching and that she's bored out of her mind. I always ask but she seems pretty genuine when it comes to enjoying the game.

Let's take a sport you don't enjoy at all. Say you hate basketball and you think it's a dumb sport. However, your lady interest enjoys it. So what do you do? If you choose to pursue her I guess you'd try understanding the game and then would one day come to appreciate the skill involved. If she were to explain it to you, you wouldn't want to be bum rushed with information like the different teams or players or coaches. You won't remember that. You'd start with maybe her favorite team and then move on from there. If you're going to introduce a girl to 40k, I'd start with the work involved into making it awesome. I mean that's what drew me in when I was little and saw it through the glass of a GW store. Then I would explain maybe the lore for your army?

I think everyone could appreciate hard work and dedication. There are some people that will see it as a waste of time. But who are they to judge on that. Everybody "spends" time on doing things they enjoy.

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Re: The ladies.

Post by Thraxdown on Tue Feb 12, 2013 8:56 am

Klom you should put a video on youtube of you playing the harmonica.

DOMIN4TRIX wrote:As I write this i'm hunched over the laptop, trying to block my GF and my housemate from peeking over my shoulder and seeing that i'm on a wargaming forum whilst they watch the walking dead / Kardasians on the TV. This is not an uncommon pose.

I was half way through a miniwargaming batrep video when she got home from work today - at the turn of the key I turned it off instantly and wont go back to it until I next have the house to myself.

In their world forums like this don't exist, games like this are just jokes they don't understand on the Big Bang Theory. She has no idea that tonight when I took her to a nice restaurant I was thinking about whether two Interceptor squads is one too many. I have a soccer website open on the other tab so if she gets up from the sofa I can switch panes and she will go on believing i'm still reading about my boy Gareth Bale.

After about a year she realised I watch Star Trek and I think she finds it endearing in a geeky kind of way but she has no idea how far the rabbit hole goes. I'm embarrassed to say this is a guilty pleasure for me.

My brother calls me a stealth geek - he openly talks about 40K and if there is any other person in the room i'll change the subject instantly so that no-one will know what we were actually discussing.

This is my solution to having an active sex life - It's not perfect but it works for me.

In the wise words of Ari Gold 'deny till you die buddy'

Please take this in the spirit in which it's intended, but this post really made me laugh. But only because I can somewhat relate. I also build army lists in my head while we're out doing other stuff. I don't talk to my girlfriend about 40k, but she knows I do it. If she's okay with Star Trek she would probably be okay know you are in to 40k. I definitely understand wanting to keep it from some people. There are certain people in my life I would never bring up 40k to. I wouldn't even want them to know about it because they would make fun of me nonstop for it. Which isn't a big deal, I understand they don't get it. But it's better to not have to deal with it for me.

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Re: The ladies.

Post by DonFer on Tue Feb 12, 2013 11:11 am

I was too tired yesterday night to give a look at this thread but now I went through it all the way and I couldn't but post my comments. Nice thread Klomster!

Back then when I was playing magic I felt the same as was described. No social skills, zero girlfriends, nerdy look, mechanical engineer student etc. inmersed in a nerdy hobby that no one heard of and no girls around too. Vicious circle you might call it. Didn't want to quit, did want to date girls. One of my room mates at the time started a Pocker league with some other fellows. One of these guys was really into parties and girls, so evertime he could he invited us to some party here and there. He also invited his lady friends to come along so it was a good chance for me to meet new girls (or any girl in my case) and start working on those much needed social skills.

Long story short, I married one of those girls after having dated 2 others. What really helped me was meeting this guy that beat the crap out of me with his social skills, but was nice enough to introduce me to his lady friends and social circle. That really did it for me, I was able to keep my nerdy side (back the it was like "you play these cards? Cute. Wanna dance?") and meet girls and improve my social skills. I may also have helped that the girls I met didn't see my hobby as some kind of personal defect but as something I did in my spare time, something I liked.

I got to meet my wife back when I started 40k, and although she refers to my hobby as my "little soldiers", she is nice with it and supports me all the way when I want to play a game at home or in the FLS, or when I take part in a tournament. I still have to get a 40k gift from her, but I think I will in my next birthday.

Anyways that is my story! Very Happy Razz

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Re: The ladies.

Post by Klomster on Tue Feb 12, 2013 3:21 pm

Awesome stuff.

Funny, it seems all of you guys are married?
Once again i seem to hang out with people older than me....

Nothing wrong with that of course Razz

Right, so far we have these tips.

Have a social party going friend.
Go to new places.
Your hobby is nothing to focus about, it's not you. It's part of you, but not you.
Have resources. Any kind.
Confidence.
A good shower now and then.
A bit of luck.
Confidence.
Lesser expectations. If you talk to a girl thinking like you want to date her. You are gonna have a bad time. With your mind in total panic if you are not used to it.
Did i mention confidence?

How i've come over my fear of girls is that i have zero expectations. Sadly having zero expectations puts you in a strange mood. But luckily i'm friendly so at least i am not horrible Razz

I've yet to see any like-minded appear, this thread could even be a bit of counseling.

And we're are all charming gentlemen who would love to help a brother by being a wing-man Very Happy!


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Re: The ladies.

Post by Constantine on Tue Feb 12, 2013 4:16 pm

Nicely summarized Brother!
Now there is no excuse for you not having a girlfriend by the end of the week right!? Wink

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Re: The ladies.

Post by DonFer on Tue Feb 12, 2013 6:11 pm

Having los expectations isn't a bad thing. It can actually give you more chances. Remember John Nash (a beautiful mind) :p

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Re: The ladies.

Post by Zealadin on Tue Feb 12, 2013 6:46 pm

It does seem a bit sad that anyone would need to hide their hobby, or really any of their interests from their partner.

Of course that depends if it is someone you are going to marry or are in a serious relationship with, or just the early years of boyfriend/girlfriend relations, when you are figuring all the basics out.

As others have said I wouldn't lead with your hobby interests when meeting new people unless it is as a gaming club or similar.

Warhammer is for (some) men a bit like shoes are for women. The opposite sex generally can't understand the fascination, why so many different or almost exactly the same sets are needed, why they are so expensive and what all the background behind the types means.

Of course power balance in a relationship often means certain things, like an excessive need to buy shoes is accepted, especially in society and you would be risking your life to try and curb this kind of behaviour.
On the other hand gaming is far less accepted and while Big Bang does a good job of revealing the different clicks, it also over exaggerates many of the concepts to add humour.
One thing it does illustrate is that sex is often used as a form of currency in relationships and the power balance here is often not really balanced at all... If you are trading off the things you (also) love for sex then you probably haven't found your life partner!

Men are also far more accepting of differing behaviours (less so at the highschool level) despite having quite clearly defined social groups, women are often a lot less accepting which I think (and this is a generalisation) stems from the fact women have had a far more constrained place in society until recently. Where men could do whatever they wanted within a wide area, women had a much smaller role and expectations meant that differing from the norm was looked down upon greatly. Basically women are used to reinforcing what they see as correct behaviour amongst their social group from a cultural perspective.
These social constructs (discrimination) can take a long time to break down, and you will often notice that some of the anti discrimination movements biggest enemies are in fact the group they are trying to help
.
Obvious this is changing but they will get together in a group and talk about something (and they all share similar views since they are friends) and decide whether something is acceptable or not according to those views.
Men are more likely to just accept whatever is going on, women are more likely to try and 'fix the problem'.

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Re: The ladies.

Post by Constantine on Tue Feb 12, 2013 7:58 pm

DonFer wrote:Having low expectations isn't a bad thing. It can actually give you more chances. Remember John Nash (a beautiful mind) :p

I disagree. We will all rise to meet what is expected of us. Setting purposely low standards is lazy at best. Life is a challenge, embrace it take risks, make mistakes and learn from them. Do not be afraid to live.

First world problems my Brothers! What is the worst that is going to happen if you talk to an attractive man or woman? They don't talk to you = They are stuck up and not worth YOUR time.

Carpe Diem!
FEAR NOT! FOR WE ARE FEAR INCARNATE!!! cheers

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Re: The ladies.

Post by DOMIN4TRIX on Tue Feb 12, 2013 8:52 pm

Two things I always remind myself of when talking to beautiful women:

The most beautiful woman in a room is often the most lonely as less men have the nerve to approach her

However stunning a woman is there is a man somewhere that is sick of having sex with her


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Re: The ladies.

Post by Hashmollage on Wed Feb 13, 2013 12:37 am

I understand why people hide the hobby I used from my friends. Still do from most of them. Its sad really. However if you think about it we all grew up with males that loved sci-fi and war / action films. So it stands to reason that everyone should find 40k interesting. Human nature does not work this way. We naturally gravitate to a group mentality, the group says 40k is nerdy so people take this opinion. Human nature also makes us fear / dislike things we dont understand. I hid the hobby for 10 years from my best friend, who called me a nerd. I got annoyed and said "you let your kids go to cub scouts and play the ukelele. Which is really nerdy". This was a silly thing to do. Now he knows more about it and asks what him working on. I even got him to play a game of blood bowl !

Women are the same, but just alot more complicated. before I was married i hid my hobby from girlfriends. When they found out they seemed shocked. After getting tired of this odd female attitude i decided to tell them about my hobby from the start. The day i met my wife she asked what i do in my spare time and I told her. She looked shocked and said "thats really nerdy". I had had a few too many vodkas and replied "Yes it is a little. However nerds have huge penis' and its not as if i go round raping midgets". As soon as i finished talking i thought i had blown it. However she laughed and 10 years later we still together.

The moral of the story is be yourself. Women always hold honesty in high regard. How many timed have you heard women waffling on about their ex being a liar ?

Women also love men with a sense of humour and personality. Your not lacking in that deptartment matey. Its looks that first attract a woman but its your personality that gets them into bed. Hahahhaha

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Re: The ladies.

Post by Zealadin on Wed Feb 13, 2013 3:47 am

I would agree with Constantine, but what are standards really, but preconceived ideas based on seeing what someone looks like.
Not everyone is going to be stunning, far better to meet people and find someone truly special. There are many kinds of beauty.

I have to admit to being somewhat surprised by all these people having 'shocked' friends when they admit they do 40k.
The closest to shocked I have seen is people surprised I collect despite how expensive Warhammer is. (Seriously this is what people remember!)
I've had lots of my fiancée's friends come over and compliment me on the Warhammer in my display cabinet.

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Re: The ladies.

Post by DonFer on Wed Feb 13, 2013 7:42 am

Constantine wrote:
DonFer wrote:Having low expectations isn't a bad thing. It can actually give you more chances. Remember John Nash (a beautiful mind) :p

I disagree. We will all rise to meet what is expected of us. Setting purposely low standards is lazy at best. Life is a challenge, embrace it take risks, make mistakes and learn from them. Do not be afraid to live.

First world problems my Brothers! What is the worst that is going to happen if you talk to an attractive man or woman? They don't talk to you = They are stuck up and not worth YOUR time.

Carpe Diem!
FEAR NOT! FOR WE ARE FEAR INCARNATE!!! cheers

Touché brother!

I agree with Zealadin. Hiding the hobby is not something one should do. It's not like we're disecting babies or something similar. It's a hobby and as such is what we are and what we do in our free time. People should accept you just as you are (this sounds like a bad chick flick but it's actually true). And what you are is a 40k gamer, and painting ethusiast. Oh and of course a GK fan! cheers

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Re: The ladies.

Post by jb317 on Wed Feb 13, 2013 9:12 am

1. Women love artists.
2. Many members here have amazing painting and conversion skills
3. Transfer said skills to a more traditional art medium (canvas work, or sculpting for example)
4. ???
5. Profit (& --------)

EDIT: Censored by moderatus Smile

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Re: The ladies.

Post by Rivan on Wed Feb 13, 2013 9:26 am

Brothers, just wanted to remind everyone to keep it clean. We do have female members on the forum and I want to make sure nobody is offended with any post. Thank you.

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Re: The ladies.

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