A noble cause

Yeah since Klomster was kind enough to post the start of his small book in here I was wondering if i could do the same with a book I have been writing for a small time.Now this is a story about Bretonnians so the moderators might move this from this topic,but out of the places to put this,this might actually be the best place.So here goes and pardon me for any mistakes.I'd appriciate comments about it,but I'd rather have comments about what I could improve rather than "OMFG this sucks BBQ GTFO N00b!"

Noble Cause

The tale that I'm about to tell you is something that has many names. Some say it is a tale of tragedy and death.Perhaps.Some say it is of honour and glory.Perhaps.But I'll say that this tale is a tale of friendship,faith and bravery.My tale begings as nothing more than a knight errant,the lowest knight in the hierarcy of Bretonnia.I was a young knight,eager to prove myself in the eyes of others.That is how I met my lord,Sir Châus of Anarden.I came to his lands looking for glory or honourable death in combat.I had heard that the land of Anarden was allways welcoming knights as they were constantly under attack from pillaging orcs and goblins,the vampires and theyr undead minions and the beastmen of Chaos that dwell in the near by woods of Anath Arin.So as young knight I stumbled upon what seemed like a medium sized village with a fortified manor on a hill,overlooking the village.

As I spurred my horse a litle,I thought to myself.”This land seems peaceful to me,maybe they do not need any help as they already got it from other eager knights.I hope that I have not arrived too late for battle.” As I moved in to the town,there were a lot of people gathering in the town center,they gaized upon me for a moment before returned back to the towns center.I was curious what the low-born where doing,so I decided to have a look.When I was close to the mass of peasants,I could hear a mans voice that said.”Here,have a look at this!This is one the biggest orc I have ever felled with my axe and you can bet that he was though bugger to go down!”I looked at the corpse of the orc in the ground.It was rather large indeed.”Where did you kill it?”I asked,the crowd of people turning to face me.”I slayed it at the Battle of Coring,sir.”Said the peasant,a litle less boastful,but you could see the pride in his eyes and hear it in his voice.He was right to be proud as it was rare that a lowly peasant would be able to bring down such a large orc on his own in close combat,let alone in a battle situation as it was more than likely that a peasant would lose his nerve and flee for his life.After listening him to go back to boasting,I directed my horse to move from the towns center towards the manor,because I thought that someone in there could help me find the nobleman in charge of this region so that I could volunteer myself to join a unit of knights errants who had also come in this region to earn glory and honour.

When I came through the manors gate I was happily suprised as there where some men-at-arms practising military manuvers and the local low-born peasant bowmen where honing theyr skills against target dummys.I knew that there was somekind of danger in these lands as no noble would want theyr manor be full of peasants,with the exception of those that had dedicated theyr life in the Virtue of Empathy.So for this many peasants practising theyr military skills this organized,I was sure that there was an orc warband marauding,undead raids or even an incursion by the vile ratmen called Skaven.I dismounted my horse and gave it to a stablehand that had come as he had seen me coming trought the gate.As I walked in through the manors large front door it was really peaceful inside as there was not many people in there.There were no-one in the lobby of the manor,until I saw a maid that was in a hurry.I stoped her and asked where was the lord of this manor.She replied.”Lord?You mean Sir Cháus?He is in the last room in the right wing of this manor so you should just go right from here and the last room on the left side is where he is at,but he asked that none should interfere with what he is doing,so none are allowed to go in side the room,unless they go to tell of a danger.”

And after that she moved in a hurry,so following her advice I went to the door of the room she had spoken of and looked at it for a moment.I wondered was my cause enough to be allowed to disturb what-ever was going on inside that room,so I thought to play it safe and sitted down to a nearby bench next to the door and waited.While waiting I wondered why was not the manor full of knights errants,eagerly awaiting for the next order they would get.Maybe they were allready on a mission.Or in the worst case,for me that is,would be that all the others would be in a battle against whatever enemies and this Sir Cháus would have been left here with the peasants,probably because he has chosen to follow the Virtue of Empathy.

I think it is a start.

It has some issues with spelling though, so check it a few times and reform some of the sentences.

Yeah thats the main problem on my writings usually,so I'll go over and check it.

But my thoughts were disperced as the heavy door of the room finally opened,so I sprang up from the bench.From inside the room came 7 peasants,I thought that they were some nobles servants,but as no nobles came behind them,I looked inside the room,seeing a noble looking at a map,looking a litle depressed.I walked in as silently as possible as I didn't want to distrurb him,but walking silently in a suit of heavy armour is next to impossible so the man turned around to look at me,after a brief moment he started to speak.”And who might you be?”He asked and I aswered.”I am Wiliam of Pestel,sir.”He looked a litle suprised as apparently he had not taken a really good look at me.”You are a noble?I am deeply sorry I mistook you for one the Yeomen riders.But now that you mentioned that your a nobleman I only wonder why are you here?”I was a litle shocked,not only that he had mistook me for a lowly peasant but that he asked what I was doing there!”I was told that you needed assistance in anyway possible in here against a military threat,so I rode throught Bretonnian lands and came here to offer what assistance as I can.”I hastily said and regrouped myself from the shock.The nobleman was silent for a moment,his face not being seen as there was so litle light in this room.Then again he spoke.”Yes I am in need of assistance,but I have needed assistance a long time and yet you are the first noble to come to my aid.I had long lost hope to see any noble willing to come to my aid.How did you learn this information anyway?”I listened carefully to his every word,seeking for any hint of his mood,but none where to be found.His voice was like plain of frozen wasteland,nothing could be found out from his voice or his words.”The first one?Why would I be the first one if you request for aid has been known for so long?And to answer your guestion I got told what I know by a man called John Warder.”I could only wonder why had not any noble be willing to come to his aid and more why not even errants had come.Then suddenly he grapped me in the arms and I could see his face or so I thought I would have.He was wearing a circle helmet,a helmet that covered the entire head and protected from his top of head to litle over his chin.Only his eyes were visible and they gave me another shock.As I looked him in the eyes I noticed something about them,something very important.They were of different colour!Yes,they were.I took a few backward steps and he let go of my hands and his head went back into darkness.”I am deeply sorry if my eyes and rush actions shocked you,but I was so happy that he was alive,as I had thought he was gone for decades.”He said as he sited down to a chair,I was still in shock,as he had those mystical eyes.”But now I need you to calm yourself down as you are selected to a very important job,if you of course are still willing to help me and my region.”

Due to Klomsters quickness at making his own story and leaving cliffhangers at every post,I have been "inspired" to write some more.

I shook of the shock and said.”I'm listening.”He was relived.”Good.”
”Now I must tell you this.You will be in danger far greater than most,because you are going to have a great part in our battle against the orc forces and the enemy will seek you out and try to destroy you.So I must ask are you sure you want this?”I was very eager to find out what my part was and so I aswered.”I am.”He started walking towards the door and as he passed me,he said.”Good.Now lets get you your new armour and weapons.”He walked out of the room and turned right,with me following behind,only guessing what he ment with new armour and weapons.

After a rather long walk from that room to what seemed to be a rather large room,that was filled with armour and weapons,an armory.But there weren't any men there.Which seemed quite strange if this was the armory.It must be the private armory of the noble family,I figured,since many have such things for the fear that some peasant might steal something from the normal armory.Even the theft of a normal weapon was a crime which usually resulted in the death of the thief,if they would catch him,let alone if a low-born would get his or her hands on one of the heirlooms or gifts of the noble family,which often bore potent magics and enchantments,so they would be very precious.There were of course more ”common” magical creations and then unique ones.For example there is a ”common” magically enchanted sword called Bitting Blade.It is usually a sword that has been enchanted to be more efficent in negating armour than a normal sword.Though to call anykind of magical creation common is wrong since even the so called common Bitting Blade is very difficult to obtain since it needs a master blacksmith and a potent wizard to create such a thing,so even such ”common” magical items are highly sought after and cost rather large amounts of money,so for such a thing to be stolen by a low-born would mean that he or she would be hunted even to the ends of the world.

Suddenly Sir Cháus spoke.”As I told you I need you for an important mission.That important mission is bearing the standart.”I looked at him a litle confused.”Bearing the standart?”I asked,he turned to me.”Yes.You are to become my standart bearer and you will be among the peasants,in the center of the whole force.I only have 1 unit of knights at my side,due to the superstisious nature of the nobles of Brettonia and I am going to lead them in the front lines of the battle.You on the other hand shall be the commander of my forces peasant infantry,keeping them in line by being inspirational and in the face of the enemy show no fear.That way the peasants should stay in line too.If that peasant infantry center routs,the battle will be lost.What Virtue have you dedicated your life to?”He said,I was rather frozen,as I could not yet comprehend what he had just said.So I just ansvered.”The Virtue of Duty.”He turned to face the doors to another room.”The Virtue of Duty is good Virtue.Not many dedicate themselves to theyr duty anymore.”He opened the door and stepped in the room and I followed him,still a bit confused what he had just said.The room we walked into was apperently the room that held all the magical weapons of his noble family.There was 3 different suits of armour on stands in the left end of the room,with the walls surrounding them filled with talismans and other magical emblems and also shields of different looks,yet all had one thing in common.There was a white raven embeded on each of them,some had smaller some had bigger versions.Then on the right side of the room,one of the walls were filled with weapons.Swords,maces and lances while the other had different types of helmets.And in the middle,right across the door were 3 banners.The right side banner had a picture of a knight with a lance,seemingly stricking his lance trought multible what seemed mutated heads of animals.The left side banner had a helmet that seemed like exactly the helmet that Sir Cháus was wearing,surrounded by darkness and at the bottom there being flames and under the helmet was a painted pragraph that said ”No ex communica traitorica federa.”I was puzeled by what it meant,but then looked at the midlle banner.In it was pictured a white raven,from which golden shine was emited and there was a burning skeleton that tried to cover its face from the rays of purity.

The only thing i can really be annoyed by here is that it sort of feels he is walking around reading his codex.
If you know what i mean. It sounded more like he was explaining rules than a magic sword.
Perhaps it's just me but think about how you wrote it.
You've come up with some cool banners, but i didn't really get the proportions of the room.
Keep writing, i can't miss out what happens to this little knight in shining armour.

Thanks on the comments Klomster,I'll try to improve my writing style,but I'm glad anything else is atleast of adequte quality.So here is some more.

”Wait a moment sir Cháus.Did you just ask me to be your battle standart bearer in the up coming battle?!”He turned around and looked at me a litle suprised,not expecting my reactions slowness.”Yes I did.”My eyes widened.”Why me?I'm not fit to be a battle standart bearer!Only the most powerfull,strong willed and skilled have the honour to become a battle standart bearers and they have to have years of battlefield expirience!”He looked me straight to the eyes.”You are the only one cabable of doing it.I need a young and headstrong for my standart bearer,because the peasants respect and admire those traits.The knights under my command are all seasoned and expirienced,but lack the vigor and stubborness that you,the younger knights have.They are calm and efficent showing no sign of emotion on the battlefield.The peasants are boastful and brazen,which under a calm leader would act more like soldiers and less like peasants,but under a young and headstrong leader,full of the vigor of youth,who are afraid of no challenges are able to inspire the peasants into such behavior,though on a lesser degree of course,but still.And I need such stubborness as I need that center to hold,no matter what.And are you implying you are not cabable of doing the task I give you?I wonder if you should have been born to a low-born family instead of a noble one since you such things.”He said.My thoughts came to halt.Truly what was I doing?I was offered to be a standart bearer and I try to avoid such an honorable position.I felt like I was a coward.And his words they stung through my heart.But they did not create rage,they created the need to show him what I was cabable of.I would accept the duty and I would fly his banner high not letting it fall unless I was dead.

He turned to face the banners,thinking for a moment before he grapped the right side banner and with a strong upward thrust he lifted it from the base that was holding it.Then he walked to the right side of the room,drawing a sword from a barrel,that had 3 exactly alike swords.Then he walked to the other wall of the right side,taking a helmet from the wall,which was a helmet with an unliftable face covering and only throught a narrow space could the knight wearing the helmet see.The helmet had a lot ceremonial carvings.After taking those things,he walked up to me,gave those things to my hands and then walked to the left side of the room taking a necklace that had large green jewel on it that glowed with magical light.He gave that to me also and then turned to look at me.”Those will be your equipment on the battlefield when we find that orc warband that has been plaquing my region recently.”

So here is some more:

He then took the helmet from me.”Behold the helmet of Aerarion.This helmet was crafted by a master blacksmith of the High Elves under command of Aerarion,a high ranking High Elf commander and was gifted to my great-great-grandfather after he had saved Aerarion from death and helped him defeat an invasion force of Dark Elves,the High Elves twisted and cruel cousins.It is said to be allmoust unbreacable by evil creatures.”

He gave the helmet back to me and then took the banner.”This banner was held high by my grandfather during the Siege of Carusea,when he was defending a breach in the castles walls.Though the Chaos Beastmen invaders were powerful and many,this banner was never knocked down,never harmed,never even touched by the corrupted hand of the Beastmen.Even after when the vile Beastmen managed to fatally wound my grandfather,he did not allow this banner to fall.When the siege was over,my grandfather was found dead,having 3 spears stuck in his breastplate,his dead body being against the wooden saft of this banner.”

He gave the banner back to me and then took the amulet.”This amulet was a gift from the Fay Enchantress,to me when I was 15 years old.There is an old chappel not far away from here,to which I accidently stumbled onto when I was riding back to home from a trip to the nearby region of Caruseasa.I found out that what had once been a holy ground,was now a foul place where deranged cultist attempted to summon demons to ravage the nearby farmland.I was quick in my action as I dismounted and overpowered a cultist and battled against a dozen of crazed cultists fending them off and killing them.One by one they started to fall and once theyr numbers had been cutten to 3,they started to retreat,but then suddenly a portal opened that sucked the remaining cultists in and from that portal appeared demons.They were truly horryfying.But as I managed to shake off the fear,I remembered that I had a small vial of holy water on me,which I threw to the portal.As the vial went in the portal first became unstable before it collapsed entirely and sucked the demons back in.After a day the Fay Enchantress came to our manor.We had thought that she would be taking me away like most children that have such abnormal qualities like different coloured eyes.But instead she gifted me with this necklace and said.”I will not take you with me.Your destiny is not to become a subordinate of The Lady of The Lake.You are a born warrior and this will help you and your allies in your path in this life.”

Reading.
Mhmm, interesting.

I'm mostly after the story now, not very good at commenting and critizising.

He then gave the necklace back to me and then took the sword.”This is a Sword of Might.Though its is the most simple and common magical item that you are carrying,but you should never underestimate its cababilities.This simple magical item has saved me many times from the claws of a particularly nasty orc and from the grip of a particularly powerful Chaos Champion.”

He then gave the sword to me.”With these I hope you will bring honour and glory to yourself and your family on the battlefields that you are bound to be fighting on in the next few weeks.Now get ready to move out.We leave in the morning.”I nodded and then left the room with the equipment he had given me,going upstairs where a maid showed me to an empty bedroom.There I took off my armour and reconstructed it,by replaicing my old helmet and sword by those given by Cháus,also trading my shield for the banner I had gotten and since I didn't have any magical necklaces of my own I just added the necklace given to me by sir Cháus.And though I did replace my older armour pieces with those I had gotten from sir Cháus,I did not throw them away since I knew that those pieces of equipment I had now,were only used by me momentarily,so I had one of the armoursmiths give me a stand for my armour,while I wasn't using it.After that I went bed,as I noticed that the sun was allready setting.

At the morning I wake up to the smell of a juicy steak with some vegetables and milk as the drink.A maid had brought it to my room.”Good morning.”I said to the maid.She smiled a litle.”Good morning,sir Wiliam of Pestel.”She ansvered and I was a litle suprised because she knew my name,but other than a drifting thought I didn't really pay attention to it.”A beutiful morning today isn't it?”I asked as I looked out of the large window next to my bed.She looked at me before turning to face the window.”It is.Do you like the view sir?”She ansvered.I looked at her.”Very much.”She the grapped the wooden tray that the breakfast was on.”Here you go sir.”
She said as she handed over the tray to me as I rose to a more sitting position.”Thank you.”I said as I got the tray.The breakfast looked delicious,but somehow my eyes were still on the maid rather than my plate.”It was my plesure sir.”She said and curtsied,before walking out of the room and closing the door behind her.

After enjoing my breakfast and getting dressed,I was on my way to greet sir Cháus,but as I came down the stairs I saw a servant cleaning a painting off of dust very delicately.I asked her where could I find information about sir Cháus and his family.She said that I should try the library.Though most of the servants in this manor were prohibitet to even search for anything relating to the noble family,unless it was of a famous battle.But since I was a noble myself,I wouldn't have that kind of restrictions.So following her advice I went to the library,because I was interested in his family backround,since he seemed like a very decent man and even with those eyes of his,he should have more allies and not just one unit of knights.

Funny that you posted an update just after i updated mine

Yeah it kinda reminded me of the story,since I haven't had the time or the motivation to actually write anymore.

There were many books in the library,even from before the time that Giles le Breton had united the Bretonni tribes as the feudal land of Brettonia it now was.Most of the books detailed battles and nothing more,while some were registrations of those born into the family that were noble.Yet I found nothing about the social life of the family.Not a single line.But then I stumbled into a rather new book,atleast when compared to others.It was called ”Blood-eye Curse”.I thought it was some superstitious mumbling of some noble.But I desided to take a look anyway.

Here is what was written in it:
Once so long time ago,a strange lady came into the manor Ravenlight of the noble family of Chàus.Bearing white clothing,atop which was greenish parts of cloth that reminded leaves of the trees.She was welcomed into the manor like most were.She had a dinner and then went into her room.She tried to sleep,but do to the then party like manner of the men of Chàus she was unable to do so.She stayed in the manor for a few days and became more indrawn.Then once a horrible scream awoke everyone in the middle of the night in the manor.It was a scream of one of the women of Chàus.The men of the house ran up there and found all of the familys women dead and the strange woman was absorbing theyr corpses.In fury the men rushed to kill the wicked woman,but she turned into someone the men loved when they were about to strike them.So they were powerless to stop the witch.She then took cruel plesure from first toying with the men and at long last ending theyr lives.Only one man was left.Thadious of Chàus,the youngest man of the house.He was desperately grabbing his sword,in terror as the witch gleefully closed on her last prey.The witch took on the appearance of Thadiouses youngest sister,who was 13 year at the time of her death.Thadious loved her litle sister the most,more than anything in the world.She stabbed him then,quickly.It was an easily dodgeable strike,yet Thadious didn't move.She was a bit suprised since most other men had tried to flee from her,but got cutten down.She stabbed him again.And again.And again.All to the upper body.Yet he did not flee.Did not dodge.Did not cry in pain.Not even a smirk of pain or a sight.She then noticed something.Something was rolling down the mans cheeks.It wasn't tears.It was blood.The witch took few steps back,a litle dumpstruck.Then Thadious opened his mouth to speak.”I shall betray you...”He said.The witch was confused.”Betray me?We have no bonds of anykind for you to betray.”Thadious was silent.His eyes still looking at the floor,his dark green hair making a dark shade to cover the upper part of his face.”Not you.I betray my love for my sister.”The witch seemed ammused.”Your sister is gone!You must realize that!”She yelled and laughed.Thadious seemed undisturbed.”I will betray my love for my sister so that I may strike you down.My sister is now part of you.Her spirit and whole being consumed by you.So to strike you down would be to strike down my own much loved sister.So I shall betray my love for my sister here and now.”He finally raised his look from the ground.His eyes were once blue,as blue as the fair sky,but now his both eyes were compleately red.The witch stumbled backwards,yet it was too late.Thadious raised his sword high,slicing the witch in the upper chest while raising it.She cried in pain and tried to hit Thadious,but before she could react,Thadious was next to her and hitted her hard to the stomach,sending her falling hard to the floor in agony.She was on the floor in pain.She couldn't stand up,nor move her limbs more than a litle,unable to even raise her small and light dagger.Thadious walked to her,grim and emotionless as death himself.She then used the only mean of attack left to her.Magic.She turned into the fair image of Thadious's sister.Then she spoke.”My beloved brother dear!Help me!You can not let me die,can you?”She wimpered trying hard not to seem like herself and rather Thadious's sister,free of the witches compleate control.Thadious stopped,standing next to her,towering over her.He was silent,idle,you could say.But then he suddenly grapped his sword with two hands and raised it high,its blade down ward and brought it down,while the witch screamed in fear as she realized her end was near.The blade struck to the center of the witches chest,impaling her body to the wooden floor.Thadious was silent.The witch was still alive,obiously by her fell magics since no mortal could ever take that kind of blow and live.She spoke once more.”You red eyed demon.You strucked down your own sister and all those women that belonged to your house.You are more evil than I ever was.Or ever will be.Maybe even ever could be.I shall curse you and your house with my last breath.You are cursed to have a great loss every fifth generation.There will be a male child born that generation who the instance they are putten into a craddle crab onto the wooden walls of the craddle.They will be exactly like you and will have a red eye to prove so.And just like you changed from righteous to damned,so will theyr other eye turn red also and theyr souls will be damned forever,theyr good deeds allways over shadowed by theyr curse...”And with those words the witch finally breathed her last breath and her body turned numb.Thadious was silent,unmoving.It seemed like time had stopped in the manor.But there was one thing that proved that illusion wrong.There were bloody tears dropping from Thadious's eyes down on the witches body.He continued to kneel there,gripping his sword so that his hands were bloody for many hours.Only after eight full hours he finally drew the sword from the witches corpse.

That was how far I had gotten into reading it,when I heard the summonind bell.Sir Châus had told me about it yesterday,saying that if i should hear it ring once it was dinner,twice it was a memorial or three times and it was warcouncil meeting.It rang three times so I putted the book back to the bookshelf and hurried to the room I had first met sir Châus,since that was going to be the place where the warcouncil meeting would be in.